Books 2012 - 1
Feb. 21st, 2012 09:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
redroseThe Secret Lives of Wives - Iris Krasnow - received free through the LibraryThing early reviewers program.
I was expecting something with more numbers and studies in it. Instead, this is a collection of anecdotes, and commentary on the author's own marriage.
As someone who is contemplating marriage, and in a 9 year relationship but not yet married, this book scares me. There is a lot of emphasis on how hard marriage is, and I saw very little in it that might encourage me to pursue one. I seem to recall hearing that marriage is detrimental to women's health. That research is not even brought up in this book.
The author has a definite viewpoint - you should get married, and stay married. And children are the glue that holds a marriage together. You should stay together if you are bored, unhappy, uncomfortable, for the sake of having a family, and not ripping apart the tapestry that a family becomes. You owe it to your forebears, and to your descendants, to maintain your place.
The background seems to be: A woman will get married, she will lose herself in taking care of the kids, then when they grow up and are out of the house, she will have the time and financial freedom to take up old hobbies and interests.
Most of the women she interviews are very well off indeed. 6 figure salaries. Enough money to take separate vacations.
She seems shocked at the swingers, in an open marriage.
She is very gender essentialist - she and her female friends seem to have some sort of "Sex in the City" thing going. She believes that you should have good male friends, but being friends with a guy is very different from being friends with a woman. Cherish the straight guys who actually want to have a conversation with you. Seriously. You can't expect your husband to talk to you, or listen to you. I find this a deeply weird attitude - people are people, friends are friends - why would I want to be with a person who doesn't talk to me?
I do agree with some of the underlying things in this book: do not expect your husband to be everything to you. Maintain interests outside of the relationship - a job, hobbies, friends.
This book was a disappointment, and I would not recommend it to anyone.
I was expecting something with more numbers and studies in it. Instead, this is a collection of anecdotes, and commentary on the author's own marriage.
As someone who is contemplating marriage, and in a 9 year relationship but not yet married, this book scares me. There is a lot of emphasis on how hard marriage is, and I saw very little in it that might encourage me to pursue one. I seem to recall hearing that marriage is detrimental to women's health. That research is not even brought up in this book.
The author has a definite viewpoint - you should get married, and stay married. And children are the glue that holds a marriage together. You should stay together if you are bored, unhappy, uncomfortable, for the sake of having a family, and not ripping apart the tapestry that a family becomes. You owe it to your forebears, and to your descendants, to maintain your place.
The background seems to be: A woman will get married, she will lose herself in taking care of the kids, then when they grow up and are out of the house, she will have the time and financial freedom to take up old hobbies and interests.
Most of the women she interviews are very well off indeed. 6 figure salaries. Enough money to take separate vacations.
She seems shocked at the swingers, in an open marriage.
She is very gender essentialist - she and her female friends seem to have some sort of "Sex in the City" thing going. She believes that you should have good male friends, but being friends with a guy is very different from being friends with a woman. Cherish the straight guys who actually want to have a conversation with you. Seriously. You can't expect your husband to talk to you, or listen to you. I find this a deeply weird attitude - people are people, friends are friends - why would I want to be with a person who doesn't talk to me?
I do agree with some of the underlying things in this book: do not expect your husband to be everything to you. Maintain interests outside of the relationship - a job, hobbies, friends.
This book was a disappointment, and I would not recommend it to anyone.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-22 02:56 am (UTC)And yes, everything and anything is easier with a 6 figure income.
Kids, that I don't know about, but our friends with kids are all doing fine, and so are we and our married friends without any.
Yes, like anything that you do for a long time that is worth doing, it isn't all going to be fun. But if your bonds are multiple and integral, you come out the other side, even better. And it is so good in a way that you really cannot imagine unless you reached that place. You can't know it until it happens. At least that was our experience.
There really isn't anything like a lifetime partnership for making life worthwhile and sweet.
Love, C.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-25 02:15 am (UTC)Yeah, in 9 years, it isn't all fun. But there's enough there to keep going in the hard times, and the good times are really good. And there is some savor and depth in having history, and knowing each other well.
If you want, I can send you the book. I'm certainly not keeping it.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-25 11:23 pm (UTC)Love, c.