redrose: (Default)
[personal profile] redrose
The Secret Lives of Wives - Iris Krasnow - received free through the LibraryThing early reviewers program.

I was expecting something with more numbers and studies in it. Instead, this is a collection of anecdotes, and commentary on the author's own marriage.

As someone who is contemplating marriage, and in a 9 year relationship but not yet married, this book scares me. There is a lot of emphasis on how hard marriage is, and I saw very little in it that might encourage me to pursue one. I seem to recall hearing that marriage is detrimental to women's health. That research is not even brought up in this book.

The author has a definite viewpoint - you should get married, and stay married. And children are the glue that holds a marriage together. You should stay together if you are bored, unhappy, uncomfortable, for the sake of having a family, and not ripping apart the tapestry that a family becomes. You owe it to your forebears, and to your descendants, to maintain your place.

The background seems to be: A woman will get married, she will lose herself in taking care of the kids, then when they grow up and are out of the house, she will have the time and financial freedom to take up old hobbies and interests.

Most of the women she interviews are very well off indeed. 6 figure salaries. Enough money to take separate vacations.

She seems shocked at the swingers, in an open marriage.

She is very gender essentialist - she and her female friends seem to have some sort of "Sex in the City" thing going. She believes that you should have good male friends, but being friends with a guy is very different from being friends with a woman. Cherish the straight guys who actually want to have a conversation with you. Seriously. You can't expect your husband to talk to you, or listen to you. I find this a deeply weird attitude - people are people, friends are friends - why would I want to be with a person who doesn't talk to me?

I do agree with some of the underlying things in this book: do not expect your husband to be everything to you. Maintain interests outside of the relationship - a job, hobbies, friends.

This book was a disappointment, and I would not recommend it to anyone.

Date: 2012-02-25 11:23 pm (UTC)
al_zorra: (Default)
From: [personal profile] al_zorra
Thanks, but I have stacks and stacks of research materials to read!

Love, c.

Profile

redrose: (Default)
redrose

January 2025

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
1213 1415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 4th, 2025 06:34 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios